10 Bizarre Superhero P0RN Parodies You Won’t Believe Exist
In honor of the new "Avengers" movie, Hasbro has unveiled its new Marvel action figures and role-play toys.
Yes, superheroes are as much a part of the public consciousness as fast food or beauty products. But – this being the modern age and all – everything that’s popular has to have at least ten porn parodies, and boy, are superhero movies popular.
You’re about to witness crime-fighters and bastions of truth and justice getting down and dirty with each other for no other reason than the fact that they’re wearing skin-tight costumes. And the Joker may have sprayed some sex-gas in their faces.
Either way, here are ten quite frankly ridiculous pornos based on beloved (and some not-so-beloved) comics characters.
Ready yourself for puns.
No, it’s not exactly clear why they added the ‘o’, aside from just wanting to avoid copyright issues. It’s at least a more creative approach to parody-naming than most of what we get these days, which is simply the name of the caped crusader who’s doing most of the boning in the film + ‘an XXX parody’, in case you weren’t sure.
This early Superman parody made in the mid-1970s follows ace reporter Clark Bent as he writes stories for a sex magazine and fights crime as Souperman. His nemesis, Luther, wants to kill everyone’s sex drive for some reason, but good ol’ Soupes doesn’t let him. By having sex with Lois and a bunch of other people, obviously.
9. The Erotic Adventures Of Dickman & Throbbin
And the winner for best porn parody title in history goes to…! Yes, it’s Dickman and Throbbin, which you may well have heard of as it’s probably one of if not the most infamous superhero porno in history.
Dickman and Throbbin may have costumes (of a sort) for its heroes, but it sure doesn’t have a plot worthy of the Dark Knight and the Boy Wonder. No crimes are really solved by this dynamic duo – they just mostly appear to materialise in women’s bedrooms before somehow seducing them.
8. BatfXXX: A Porn Parody
This is where things start to get more than just a bit creepy and descend into genuinely uncomfortable territory. A porn actor doing a bad impression of Heath Ledger’s Joker in a parody of The Dark Knight is bad enough, but to have that same actor playing a role famously performed by a now-dead star spray Catwoman and her, er, kittens with an aphrodisiac aerosol can before commencing an orgy is just gauche.
Other than that this DC porn actually has some relatively high production values and a not-completely-terrible Batsuit for the Caped Crusader. The dark tone doesn’t quite mesh with the copious amount of sex on display, however…
7. Superman Vs. Spider-Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody
It’s the Marvel/DC crossover you’ve all been waiting for! (Except it’s a porno!)
Weirdly, Superman Vs. Spiderman XXX is actually based on a Supes/Spidey crossover that happened in comics in the 1970s, and the film’s DVD cover is more or less an exact replica of the book’s cover. Which is kind of neat, we suppose? Anyway, much like in that story the Man of Steel and the webslinger are pitted against one another only to realise their true foes are Lex Luthor and Doctor Octopus. Things take a turn for the gross when the heroes get captured and Clark is forced to watch as Lois Lane has sex with Luthor in return for her boyfriend’s safety.
Oh, and then Spider-Woman comes in and saves their asses. Because superhero porn!
6. The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody
Featuring way more female superheroes than Joss Whedon’s 2012 film (including She-Hulk, Ms. Marvel, Sharon Carter and Spider-Woman again), The Avengers XXX features a similar male cast and poster design to the original but likely doesn’t copy too much of its story, being that there are like 20 porn stars in the thing and there’s probably not going to be too much time for plot in between all the latex-clad banging.
Also, not to take away from the fact that this is a parody involving comic book characters having badly-soundtracked sex, but you’d think they could have raised their game with a couple of the outfits. They seem to have done a pretty good job with everyone but Thor and She-Hulk, who probably relished the chance to get their kit off for reasons other than the obvious.
5. XXX Adventures Of Hawkman And Hawkgirl: An Extreme Comixxx Parody
We were all asking for this one, right? Who doesn’t want to see two of DC’s most awkwardly-dressed heroes bursting through ceilings, beating people senseless with maces and then getting down and dirty for two hours?
That said, it’s not your average superhero sex flick; promising “a tale of eternal love and unparalleled power,” XXX Adventures of Hawkman And Hawkgirl delivers dream sequences and flashbacks that connect the two leads to past lives in ancient Egypt that are somehow reason enough to dress like maniacs, burst through ceilings and beat criminals senseless with maces before boning everyone in sight. But it’s still a better story than most.
4. Justice League Of Porn Star Heroes
Released in 2011, the porn industry beat both DC and Marvel to the superhero team-up punch with this, the bemusingly-titled but fun-spirited Justice League Of Porn Star Heroes.
The Justice League we see here isn’t too far removed from the classic one we know from the comics with the addition of Robin, but it’s a bit of an odd choice for a mainstream porno to only have one female (Wonder Woman) on the side of good.
Fortunately enough, most of the League’s villains are women (Catwoman, Harley Quinn, Zatanna) so we’re not just left watching a bunch of porn actors participate in poorly-choreographed fight scenes all movie long.
That said, some of the effects – like Flash’s super-speed and Wonder Woman’s invisible jet – are kind of fun to watch, if incredibly clunky, and offer a more interesting break from the hardcore action than the usual non-sequiturs that usually come in skin flicks.
3. Kick-Azz: A Hardcore Comixxx Parody
No-one seems to know why exactly the title of this Kick-Ass parody has replaced ‘Ass’ with ‘Azz’, least of all the star of the movie that inspired the porno, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, who soundly reasons that something like ‘Lick-Ass’ or ‘D***-Ass’ would have fit much more easily.
Again, the film doesn’t have a whole lot in common with the source material (aside from being pretty inappropriate, but in significantly different ways to Kick-Ass) aside from some naff costumes. It also begs the question: are the characters in the porn version supposed to be the same age as those in the real movie? Because most of them were teenagers or younger…
2. Superheroine 3D XXX: An Extreme Comixx Parody
It can’t be this late in the superhero porn parody game that filmmakers have already given up on giving their works at least halfway interesting names, can it? Believe it or not, the porn world is exactly as cynical as you think it is, as Superheroine 3D XXX proves.
The film doesn’t have a story as such, just four unconnected sex scenes featuring four well-known female comic characters: Emma Frost, Supergirl, Zatanna and Catwoman,The latter three have been pretty popular in comics porn parodies, but it’s a marvel (hyuk hyuk) that we haven’t seen so much of Emma Frost, given that she’s often seen in fetish gear and corsets. Not enough to be ripped off, perhaps?
Oh, and it’s in 3D. But does anyone seriously keep their porn collection near their widescreen 3D TV?
1. Bat Pussy
Wow. They just weren’t even trying with a name like that, were they? I guess it was the 1970s, when both porn and superhero films hadn’t quite broken into the mainstream yet and the producers didn’t want anyone walking into the theatre expecting the Batgirl movie they’d been waiting a lifetime for.
Anyway, as you can see from this clip, there isn’t a great deal to be admired in this Bat-porno. There’s not even that much sex, just excruciatingly long far-off shots of someone in a Batgirl costume (Bat Pussy? Is that the character’s name or just a marketing ploy to draw us in and gross us out?) bouncing around on a space hopper and stopping a robbery from happening.
We do have it on good authority, however, that there’s a great deal of nastiness in the film’s actual sex scenes and that it’s by and large done in pretty bad taste.
But more than anything, it’s the space hopper.